How to plan a wedding when your life is crazy

*****I wrote this in 2020, but haven't had the guts to post it until 2024. Reading it again, I don't think it's bad. Enjoy!! *****

**COVID-19 has greatly affected many of us in our lives, and I know that wedding planning looks 

really different right now. But I hope that the practical tips noted here are still helpful in your 

planning process!**

I NEVER thought I’d get married in med school. I didn’t even think I’d get married in residency. My 

goals and aspirations with my career in medicine was my sole focus and marriage seemed like this far 

away thing I’d get to after I was an established and practicing surgeon.

But then I met Nate Baker during the first month of med school, and ever since our first conversation, 

I've been head over heels.

We got to know each other, became friends, became exclusive at the end of my first year, started talking 

about marriage during the beginning of my third year of med school trying to figure out when this 

would work for us, and he proposed to me at the end of my third year. I was shocked, over the moon 

excited, nervous, scared, so happy. Everything felt surreal. I met the man I want to spend the whole rest 

of my life with and we’re going to get married!!!!!!!!!!!!! We got married in the middle of my fourth 

year. Never, never, never did I think this would happen. But it did so I’m here to share how you can 

balance med school (or any other demanding work life) AND plan a wedding.



Before being able to plan a great wedding, and essentially go into your new marriage, make sure 

your heart is in the right place. :)

1. Have the conversation about marriage with each other and be patient - When Nate and I first started 

talking about marriage, I’m glad he initiated the conversation early on (almost 2 years before we actually

got married!!). Because I’m the one w the crazy schedule, that allowed me to think abt my schedule and

 what would be best for me. I was also really grateful that Nate was very patient, always saying there 

was no rush to choose when the day would happen (what a sweetheart!).

2. Decide why you want to get married - This may seem obvious, but you really can short-circuit the 

path to getting married. ITS A HUGE COMMITMENT! This is a very big decision, so you need to 

be able to give the reasons why you want this to happen. Talk to friends, mentors, and family for 

advice and see what they think. These people see parts of you and your partner that you don’t, so

 the feedback is definitely helpful!

Here are the reasons I chose to get married when I did and why:

- I knew with all of my heart that I wanted to marry Nate.
- Nate and I chose to be celibate and not live together, so I wanted to make sure we had at least some 

time between the end of my 4th year and the start of residency to make the transition to living together. 

I also wanted us to have time for fun and travel as a married couple!!
- I wanted to go on a honeymoon. I have many, many friends in med school and residency who didn’t 

get to do this right after their weddings, which works great for some couples!!! I just knew I’d 

want the downtime after the wedding crazy.
- The fourth year is much more chill compared to the other years of med school, so it made sense to plan

 and execute a wedding then! But I also have friends who got married right before Christmas break, or 

during other breaks during other years of med school, and it worked great for them too!

Practical tips on planning the big day:
1. Try not to stress!!! This is an important day, but it's just the first day of your amazing marriage! 

There is to much pressure in this world around weddings, and at the end of the day, try to enjoy the 

planning and the day as much as you can.
2. Make your budget - first things first. Figure out where the money is gong to come from, and 

what you’re willing to pay. The average American wedding is $30-50K. We used a sample budget 

excel sheet and made estimates on how much everything would cost, and kept coming back to the 

excel sheet as we went along. If you’re not in the event/wedding planning business, you’ll 

probably underestimate how much everything costs so just be aware of that!
3. Get a wedding planner - This really is a big day and A LOT of planning goes into it. There are a 

lot of details I never thought about (round vs. long tables, pink napkins, or grey napkins, what song 

do you want to enter the reception to?, the list goes on and on), so it can get overwhelming very quickly. 

I am a highly indecisive person about my personal choices so I was especially overwhelmed by all the 

choices. So the first thing you should do is: GET A WEDDING PLANNER. He or she will know even 

more than you do about planning wedding and important small details. Without our wedding planner,

our wedding would’ve been a disaster. Nate and I thought we could plan on our own but boy were we 

wrong!!! Especially with our crazy schedules, our wedding planner was so helpful in reminding us of 

things we hadn’t done yet, and kept us on track. We got her as a month of wedding planner which was 

really great and helped us tie all the pieces together.
4. Set aside time to plan - I tended to be a crazed bride, and would drive myself crazy trying to do my

 regular work (14hr hospital shifts + applying for residency) while wedding planning. This is not the 

way to go. Make a plan for spending however many hours in a day wedding planning, and have weekly

 goals for what you need to get done. It is a lot, and you will need to spend time doing research on 

venues, caterers, a dress, photographers, etc.
5. Work together as a team to divide up roles - I’m really grateful for my husband because he was so 

helpful in planning everything. I was out of town on away rotations during the fall when we were 

shopping for the venue, caterer, and wedding planner, and he took care of a lot of work visiting places 

and helping decide where we should get married. The bride really ends up with a lot to do for the 

wedding bc it’s often “the bride’s wedding” (super annoying I know. It's a dumb tradition...), but it

 really helped to have someone who was so ready and willing to help out! Also, my husband is really 

good at computer organizing and staying on top of finances, but he hated making decisions about 

decor so it was helpful for him to be in charge of guest list, invitations, finances, keeping track of gifts, 

etc. While I was doing most of the decor, flowers, photography, ceremony decision making. Moral of 

the story: use each other’s strengths!!!!!
6. Use your friends - our wedding Was basically all staffed by dear friends of ours. Nate and I are so 

grateful to be a part of such a talented church community that was so ready and willing to help us with 

every aspect of our wedding. Our caterer, reception planner, photographer, videographer, florist, baker, 

my hair stylist and makeup artist, were all friends of ours, which made the planning that much

 easier. ️️
7. Use a wedding planning app to help you stay on track. Because we didn’t get a wedding planner 

until closer to the wedding (huge $$$ saver!!!). We used Zola for everything and it was amazing. ️ 

Our invites, thank you cards, and envelopes were all printed by them. We didn't have to write 

ANYTHING by hand. I highly recommend!
8. Make your initial guest list with less people - if you find you have a lot of friends and family that you 

will want to be a part of your special day, make the big list, and be ready to chop it up many times until 

you have the final list. Planning weddings are hard, and not everyone can come. Sometimes there are 

hard conversations that come up. Stay strong, pray, and reflect on who you really will regret if they are 

not there. 
9. Go with your gut and choose what you love - sometimes you just have to go for it. There isn’t an 

infinite amount of time to change your mind, so just choose what you love, and move on. It feels better 

to make decisions and have things done instead of ruminating and wondering if you’re making the right

choices. It’s YOUR wedding. Make it how it will make you happy. :)

10. Be kind to yourself. Planning a wedding isn’t easy so take time to relax and have grace on yourself - 

be kind in your thoughts toward yourself. I felt like such a slob at different times because I was so busy 

doing the med school thing, applying to residency thing, and planning this, that I wasn’t working out 

at different points, and I was at home in my PJs all day dealing with different wedding tasks to do. 

This is normal and totally okay! Also, I honestly did not do the bride diet, or skin care routine, or 

exercise regimen. Brides, there is SO MUCH PRESSURE associated with this day, I eventually 

threw my arms up in despair bc I could not do everything. I still ate the pizza, the ice cream, etc., and

the day of, I still had acne, I wasn’t 2 sizes smaller, but honestly I looked BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I still 

look at my photos and I’m like woah that’s me?! I look so beautiful! With makeup, hair done, and a 

beautiful dress, EVERY BRIDE is bound to look like the most beautiful angel on earth. Your beauty 

isn’t found in how you look on one day, either. Your beauty is in who you are already. “Your beauty 

should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry 

or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and 

quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter‬ ‭3:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬ Regardless, please still exercise,

eat as healthy as you can, and do what you need to do for self care.

11. Ask for help - don’t feel bad for asking for help. People want to help you on you special day, so ask!

 Use your maid of honor, bridesmaids, mother, groomsmen, groom’s parents, etc. You need to have a 

level of humility and lack of hyper-controlling nature. But trust that people CAN help you. It’ll take a 

huge load off of you. ️
12. Take time to go through pre-marital counseling - this was a huge help and really valuable thing 

to do for us. Our officiant did the premarital counseling with us and it made the whole wedding 

ceremony that much more special bc he knew us so well. We did the premarital counseling with 

him, his wife, and another young married couple, and it was really fun to have a glimpse into what

marriage would be like, and to hear stories of mistakes, redemption, and fun. Marriage truly can and 

is very fun when we choose to be completely selfless!
14. Have fun with your future hubby/wifey - MOST IMPORTANTLY don’t forget to have fun with 

your spouse. Go somewhere fun to plan. Make sure to plan 1x/week to not talk about wedding stuff 

(we tried, but I think we were always talking about it ). This really is such a special time 

before tying the knot, and brings up way more in your relationship with the other person. For most, 

it’s the true first time you’re having to work together on a big project, and it’s fun to learn more 

about each other!! Just don’t get too stressed out and remember to enjoy the whole process, 

enjoy your partner, and looking forward to your future together. ️️🥰🥰

My wedding specs:

Venue: 26 Bridge, Brooklyn, NY

Dress: BHLDN Monarch

Photographer: Hannah Middlekauff

Videographer: James Dylan Brown

Flowers+decor: Elan Flowers

Wedding Planner: Stacy Snyder

Caterer: Stephen Oguaha

Cake: Audrey Evans

Registry, Invites, Thank you cards: Zola

Con amor,

Arielita